Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Speaking In Bungs

With great appreciation from a fast approaching blogship, D'anerah has had the honor of popping my meme cherry. But because I am so Goddamn anal about things, in particular how the squirrel turd blog is formatted and functions (for me), I have added an additional blog for meme's, quizzes, and the like. It can be found at: http://meme-meme-miscellany.blogspot.com.
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What is it about me and sleep? Why don't we get along? Why is it we can never find common ground?
Last night provided a 3:30 A.M. cover call, and even then I had to make myself go to bed. I don't know if it was the result of adequate sleep the previous night or if it was the infusion of caffeine that ran throughout my veins the better part of the day. Either way, this is becoming monotonous.
I know, I know... kick the caffeine, right? I agree with you. I really do. Truly. I've tried... many times... to kick this insideous habit/addiction/obsession of mine, but I always come back to it like a junkie to a dirty needle, a wino to a dumpster, a fat man to a doughnut, a prostitute to a pecker. It's my salve, what can I say?
Here's a thought: Do you think I would be allowed to participate in a twelve step program?
More later...
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So it seems I am once again left to wipe the mud from my face and realize that unlike many of the flailing and failed relationships in my life, the one I have with my stepfather is one built upon honesty and trust, the latter of which I have been struggling with over the past two years.
Since divorcing my mother, I have had serious doubts about his role in my family's future. This idea has been founded out of the notion that over his twenty-three year stint with my mother, my brother, and myself, he has finally had his fill of each of our particular situations, and simply walked away. Coupled with the fact that I have been plagued with abandonment issues, insert into the mix his marriage to a new(er) model woman equipped with her own grown children and grandchildren, finds me peering around every corner with the expectation that he will no longer be there for us. Everytime I do this, to my surprise, he is standing in wait, arms open wide, and I am left feeling guilty about my silent implications.
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The noise echoing throughout my skull is once again picking up, its resonance is deafening.
Is this the result of deprived sleep or something more deeply rooted?


Anonymous D`Anerah said...

Thanks for being such a good sport hun and doing the tag.

Ohhh, I have to say I was glad I was the first one.

Many hugs and hopes you are feeling better than me.

2:51 AM  

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