Wednesday, April 19, 2006

I'm feeling pulled in several directions today so rather than contemplate any one emotion or condition, I've decided to simply put them all out there with the hope of letting go for a while so I can work on my screenplay. With that in mind, here's a sampling of the fluctuation my bipolar bean experiences on any given day. Enjoy!
x x x x x x x x x x
I don't know.
Maybe it's the head space I'm in right now? Maybe it's the fuck who sent me a spam link to his "penis enlargement" blog? Maybe it's the trouble my son recently found himself in at school and his imprudent attitude about the situation that still reverberates throughout my soul? Who knows? But whatever the scenario, I don't like the muddiness I'm feeling right now. I feel heavy, weighted down, really. I feel unhinged. I feel faulty and malfunctioning. I feel betrayed as a father, lost as a parent, used as a homemaker, and forgotten as a husband. But at least I still have feeling, right? Not all hope is lost.
x x x x x x x x x x
I've decided to change the name of my blog - which in turn will change the web add'y. I feel I simply need a change. Nothing drastic, but certainly more befitting my present life. I'm in the process of setting things up so when the time comes I'll let you all know. I'll also be leaving the "Squirrel Turds" blog up for a period of time with a link to the new site for any newcomers who are interested in making the trek. I'll keep everyone posted.
x x x x x x x x x x
Last but not least: It never ceases to amaze me how the universe works. Over the past two days I've mentioned the possibility of pulling the plug on the San Francisco trip and then last night, out of the blue, I begin receiving significant hits on my e-bay auctions.
I'll be the first to admit that I've been a praying fool - moreso than my nightly thank you's and blessings. But as anyone who believes on the power of prayer knows, they are answered in due time. Not always on your time, but in time nonetheless.


Blogger the depressed nurse said...

Glad you're getting more donations and are gonna be able to make the trip!

3:44 PM  
Blogger c.m.p. said...

Do you have a basic synopsis of your play sitting around somewhere?

9:12 PM  
Blogger [sic] said...

Yeah, me too. Financially speaking, we're still stretching it a bit, but the possibilities are looking better. Unfortunately, I'm allowing a HUGE portion of the funding for the trip to walk out the door in one fail swoop due to the sketchy nature of the proposed auction bidder. Nonetheless, I have a running tally on donations and sold auction items gathered thusfar and we're still plugging away.
Sorry, I tend to keep my story ideas close to my chest. Call it writer's paranoia but it's just how I function. Whaddayado?

How about you? Are you a writer?

11:01 PM  
Blogger barista brat said...

[sic] - i hear you about the whole story ideas kept private. once i've finished a work, i'm ok to show it to my beta readers, but not until the first draft is complete.

12:52 AM  
Anonymous Donna said...

I have bipolar and I can really relate to the muddiness you describe. If you have the time, I think you should check out It offers a lot of advice for coping with bipolar disorder.

3:42 PM  

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